Dear Ex-President Bush the junior,
You win this round, W. Well played.
Oh, don't be coy. We both know this was one of the most well-orchestrated and brilliant plans ever conceived by man. I'm not one given to flights of conspiracy theory fancy, but there's just no denying the evidence this time. My only question is, how did you know? I mean, I know the US government is in control of some very sophisticated technologies, but accurately predicting the future? I had no idea!
How could you possibly have know, for SURE, that Libby would be going away this week, the week following the NEW ending date for Daylight Saving Time that your administration implemented in 2007? I mean, what if she'd waited until next semester? What if we still only had one kid? How could you account for all of those variables to pull off such a dazzling win?
I know, I know. There's no point in asking. You're nothing if not evasive and secretive about such things. And I can settle for the solace of knowing that I'm important enough in the eyes of my government that steps were taken, two years in advance, simply to rob me of sleep during this one week of the year. It gives me a warm feeling, really. If only I had enough sleep this week, I could have carried out my diabolical plan to . . . well, its best if I don't share that information since another opportunity might still present itself.
If only a negative manifestation of the change in bed times hadn't happened with BOTH kids in the same night. Button needing three feedings instead of her normal two these last two nights has been inconvenient, but Gabe sleeping until past 6:00 the night before last made the first night tolerable. Making sure Gabe woke up at 4:00 this morning, though, that was a stroke of genius on your part.
Nobody ever gave you enough credit for your intelligence. A "C" average at an ivy league school is pretty good, really! I might not have been able to pull that off (naw, I'm just being polite, I'm pretty sure I could have done at least that well, especially if my family was important enough for my teachers to view giving me good grades as essential to their continued, problem-free employment).
But how did you do it (not your GPA, I'm pretty sure I know exactly how you did that, I'm back on the topic of my two year old)? Did you use some sort of low level sonic device that disrupted his sleep and then left him too restless to even consider going back to sleep again? Or was it telepathy? Can we harness the power of the mind now? How exciting! I just wish you'd chosen to test it on someone else's kid.
Well, however you do it, I'd really appreciate it if you knocked it off tonight. Four hours of sleep spread over a seven hour period simply isn't going to cut it. In exchange for your discontinued meddling, I promise that I won't do anything large scale for, let's say, another year. I'll just keep dinking around with the lives in the Wichita metropolitan area. Deal? Great! I can't wait to see what you came up with to deal with me a year from now!
Regards,
Patrick Albers
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