Actually, I was a little jealous of the character and Ben's imagination for coming up with it. Several times, I tried--but failed--to come up with suitable alternate hero characters to team up with Measure Man: Hammer Man, Crescent Wrench Man, and Screw Driver Man are all ones that I can remember, but I'm sure there were about as many others as I had common tools readily available to me.
But all of my heroes were dim shadows of the power of Measure Man. For one, none of the other tools had ready applications to the world around me. I COULD hit everything with a hammer (or could until Mom caught me, at least), or pretend to screw or wrench things (as I often still do--you figure it out), but the heroic activity always seemed forced and inappropriate for the situation. Measuring, however, was something that could ALWAYS be done. Thus, it seemed to me, even at that young age, that my characters were hackneyed and trite, poor knock-offs of a quality product--like . . . (here I was going to make a reference to a bad TV spin-off or movie remake that didn't live up to the original's standards, but, honestly, the options are just too numerously distracting for me to focus on just one, so feel free to pick your least favorite and plug it in here).
Really, even though I was the older brother, my characters were, at best, poor sidekicks, as if Measure Man had taken on a trial sidekick temp from the agency, only to throw him back after a trial or two. Of course, I never ACTED like the sidekick, but I think we both knew that I was.
And because that still leaves a slightly bitter taste in my mouth, I'm going to share another story about my brother Ben. Spiteful and petty, you say? Almost certainly, but it's a pretty funny story, so I'd eventually share it even if I wasn't trying to knock the memory of Ben during our childhood down a notch or two.
About that same time, Ben also created a truck driving persona--possibly based on the popularity of such movies as "Smokie and the Bandit" and shows like "BJ and the Bear." Mom owned a treadle sewing machine (only ours didn't have the sewing machine on top. Mom almost never sewed, so we must have owned the thing strictly as a piece of curious, near-antique furniture), and Ben used to sit on the big pedal on the bottom, grab hold of the metal wheel, and pretend like he was driving a big rig. This, in and of itself, is only mildly interesting, as I'm guessing that just about any young boy would have done something similar with an apparatus that sported such an obvious steering wheel surrogate (I didn't, but that's not necessarily suggestive of a deficiency on my part. My guess is, I was too busy doing farm work and other chores to have time for such fun. Or we didn't own the furniture until I was too old for such things. Or some other exonerating excuse.).
What was funny was the name of the operation: Trucker Go! Every time, as he was crawling behind the wheel, and several times while he was playing, he would yell, at the top of his lungs, "Trucker Go!" Except, Ben couldn't quite pronounce the "tr" sound of "truck." Instead, he said it with an "f" sound. So, periodically in our house rang the slightly unsettling sound of a toddler shouting "Fucker Go!" It was hilarious and I have many vivid memories of me trying to convince Ben to say "Trucker Go!" for the amusement of myself and those around me. Ah, good times.
Anyway, the other day, Measure Man was reborn. Yes, yes, I know. The phoenix metaphor is SO tired and overused these days. Simple EVERYONE is a phoenix anymore. If someone or something has fallen even mildly out of fashion and regains popularity, suddenly it's a mythical bird that has to go through the obviously painful process of being set on fire only to return to life again. Frankly, I'm not sure that the option of another lifetime is worth the torture of being burned alive, but that's just me. So, yeah, I know I SHOULDN'T use the phoenix metaphor, but I did, so what can you do?
After discovering a small fabric tape measure, Gabe was given the superhuman ability to MEASURE!
Yes. That was A LOT of build up just for one picture of a small boy holding a tape measure. Deal.So far, he hasn't been doing much actual measuring with the tape, what with him not really caring that much about the numbers that are clearly all over the side of it. Mostly, he asks me to lock it with about eighteen inches of tape extended so he can carry it around and use it like a whip. I tried to get some video of him doing it this morning, but before I could get the camera, he started swinging it around the baby, and I had to put a stop to it. Perhaps I'll be able to add some video later, provided he ever comprehends the idea of "too dangerous to do within spitting distance of the baby--and also not spitting on the baby."
At the very least, we might have a Halloween costume idea if we combine the tape with his superhero jammies.
At the very least, we might have a Halloween costume idea if we combine the tape with his superhero jammies.
I have a couple of comments. First, there are a number of reason's why Measure Man is awesome. Tape measures have so many uses, as Gabe has already demonstrated. They can be used as a sword, a whip, as a lasso, and, to measure. Secondly, I believe that the proper gear is an 8 foot tape measure. I am sure that the reason that dad bought this for me was it was the cheapest one available,, but it did serve it's purpose. It would be a little bigger in size than a fabric tape-measure, but not as big as the more standard 12 or 25 foot variety. Maybe that is something for Gabe to eventually grow into. He probably also will need a tool belt,which at the time was just the apron thing for holding nails. I think also he probably needs a cowboy hat and boots, since I am pretty sure I always wore those at that age.
ReplyDeleteIn terms of Pat's commentary, I appreciate your recognition of being my sidekick. I have always pretty much seen our relationship in that way, so it is good to see where the roots come from and that you understand your role. It also explains all of the lashing out that you have done over the years, making me do your chores, leaving me for hours to hang out at D&Ms, etc., you were deeply insecure of being the sidekick of your younger brother, so you had to compensate.
I could make a commentary about you rehashing old stories, like the Trucker Go, but I will just chalk that up to deep resentment of my coolness and imagination, and be happy that it wasn't a story about me running away from home or going into the house with my jacket upside down.
You boys are just sooooooo cute...I remember Ben's Trucker, but didn't remember the Measure Man. I do, know, however - and I am SURE Pat will just hate this one - that Jay once commented (when Ben was about 4 or 5) that if any of the Albers boys would be President, it would be BEN!!
ReplyDeleteLove, Auntie Judy
I tend to agree with Jay's assessment of us. I've been able to admit for years that Ben showed the most potential to be (and then arguably proved to be) the most useful and productive member of society of the three of us. I wouldn't even WANT to be president--too much trouble. I always pictured myself as the most entertaining. And Jon is good for lifting heavy things, and possibly for scaring off potential muggers. Jon probably pulls off bald the best of us, too. We all have our gifts, I suppose.
ReplyDeleteI don't, however, think that I would be very good sidekick material. I think "mastermind" might be a better hero assignment for me. I come up with the things that I have my minions (or the "heroes") do. In Ben's case, I would have had him measuring things and waiting for me at the West Stop while I did more interesting stuff.
I've said this before, but I have to say it again... Holy crap, Gabe is SO much like Aaron. Good Gawd, to this DAY if Aaron finds a tape measure, he measures EVERYTHING he can until we get sick of him shouting out random lengths of random things and take it away. Eeek.
ReplyDelete