Two Month Review

Yes, it's a little early, but I figured I might as well do it while I am sitting at the computer and have the wherewithal to type coherently.

On August 5th, Button will be two months old. We missed out on the first few days of her development, but whatever. I think I am able to do a competent two month review nonetheless.

Here are a few of the things that I've learned over the past two months:

1) Second children really do get the shaft--I can only imagine that it gets even worse the more kids you have. We were constantly hovering over Gabe and belaboring EVERY aspect of his development and environment. Was he pooping on a regular enough schedule (yes, regular ENOUGH)? Was his head size right for his age? Are the diapers we're using allowing enough air circulation? And so on. Every piece of minutia was scrutinized, analyzed, and inevitably adjusted time and time again. Great pains were taken.

With Button . . . well, things are a bit different. Maybe it's because she's so low key, allowing us to NOT worry about her (where Gabe, as I'm sure I've mentioned numerous times, DEMANDED our full attention whenever he was awake--and that really hasn't changed all that much just yet), but there is very little of the extra close scrutiny going on these days. We keep close tabs on her, of course, but there isn't much worrying about her poop schedule or if the noise going on in the background is appropriately educational. Mostly, we just keep her out of Gabe's path of terror so she doesn't get swept up in his wake (to mix a few metaphors).

2) I understand the picture thing now. Growing up, I remember noting several times the differences in the albums that my two brothers and I had. We all three had the same style of photo album, just different colors. My album, by mid-grade school, was mostly full. There were pictures of me at all stages doing all sorts of amusing and embarrassing things. Ben's album was about two-thirds of the way full--though a few of those pages were taken up with large school portrait photos, obviously meant as filler. Then, poor Jon's album was less than half full, and almost all of the pictures were school portraits or from school related activities (usually the same ones that Ben was also doing something in).

In other words, the first child is well-documented and the rest of them better be doing something damn cute and keep doing it for awhile if they wanted any sort of picture trail leading through their childhood.

I shudder to think how many pictures we have of Gabe. The last time I checked, it was over 1000. Granted, since they are digital, we're not erasing anything yet, so even the most terrible pictures are making their way into the file, but still. So far, in two months, we have about twenty pictures of Button. We did that in the first two days that we had Gabe. I'm sure that number will pick up eventually, once she starts doing something other than sleeping and drooling--especially since we have family everywhere that wants picture updates--but I can feel a distinct degree of slacking interest in documenting EVERYTHING as we had with Gabe. I just don't have the energy for it anymore.

3) According to Einstein's Law of Conservation of Energy, energy cannot be created or destroyed. Energy may transfer from one form to another (kinetic, potential, heat, etc.) but it's always SOMEWHERE. I have a theory about how this theory pertains to parenting and how its transfer has some direct correlations with age. I call it Albers' Theory of Parental Energy Transfer. Or something that uses bigger words and sounds more sciency.

OK, this is a bit complicated and I'm less than practiced at explaining anything even vaguely scientific, so bear with me. People have energy. When they are young, they have quite a lot of it. As they get older, this energy level dissipates somewhat. If the person doesn't have kids, their energy level doesn't dissipate very quickly. Their original energy doesn't have anywhere specific to go, so it just gradually disperses into the ether and is later picked up by young people who have the ability to tap into these reserves.

People with children, however, directly transfer their energy to their children--as the children are close and their energy sucking abilities are legendary. Thus, the energy levels of their children are directly proportional to the energy they themselves still possess. In other words, a child with high energy tolerance will syphon off just as much energy as possible from their parents (and, then, continue to draw from the aforementioned ether if need be). The parents will have reduced energy--far more so than if they didn't have children--and that energy level will continue to deplete, no matter how much they try, until the child is finally old enough to move out of the house. At which point, age has played its part and the parent really can't hope to regain all that much thanks to the natural dispersion of aging.

Let's make an equation for this. Let's say the parent's energy = "U" and the child's energy = "G." Then the resulting energy level of the parent = "H." Thus UGH. Yeah, I know that's not how math works (this equation basically means that all of them are multiplied, right, which doesn't make any sense at all), but since I don't really know how math works, it's the best I can offer. At least I had the decency not to mix numbers and letters. That was surely math's downfall, when it decided that numbers weren't good enough and it had to start encroaching on the written word. That's when it lost me and my respect, anyway.

4) And so on. I'm sure there is more that I've learned, but I don't have the energy right now to think anymore (one of the draw backs of having a high energy child like Gabe--he's sucking all the energy right out of me).

Here is a new video, though. We've been working on Gabe's maniacal laugh, so when he takes over the world, he'll be able to do it properly--sitting on a high-backed chair, stroking a long-haired cat, addressing the United Nations, laughing maniacally as he offers his demands. Usually he'll do it unprovoked, but I had to try and prompt him for the video, so the results are less than world-leader-intimidating. He's going to need to learn to do it on cue, though, so we'll keep working on it.