Shared Consciousness

OK. So, when I was sitting here staring at the blank template for this blog post, trying to come up with a good approach to this material, I totally had a brainstorm. Despite the fact that this only happened about two minutes ago, this brainstorm is completely accurate, brilliant, painstakingly well thought out, and, in all likelihood, a game changer. By reading this now, you are experiencing history--actual, going to be referenced in textbooks INSTEAD OF crackpots like Jung and Skinner and Freud and Dr. Jason Seaver (Alan Thicke's character from "Growing Pains," and, yes, I know that having to explain an obscure pop culture reference completely defeats the purpose of it, but, at the same time, I know that only about two people read this blog and I figure at least both of you should be in on the joke) history.

Hopefully I can remember what I was thinking about several minutes ago before I started cluttering my brain with Thicke references and the inevitable tangential mental leap to just what the hell has happened to Kirk Cameron these last couple decades.

What did happen to that guy? He's a total douche now. We get it. You found the lord. Stop milking your Tiger Beat cred from twenty years ago to convert simpletons. It's just sad.

Anyway, it goes something like this.

You know how the theory about the Seven Basic Story Plots goes, right? No? Let me refresh your Intro to Lit basics.

The theory goes that, ultimately, it is impossible for anyone to come up with an "original" story plot because it's all been done before, in some way, shape, or form. All stories fall into seven basic categories (note: to prevent me from having to use the awkward "(wo)man" construction, or from appearing gender biased by only referring to either "man" or "woman," I will instead insert my own name, because I am the perfect Every(wo)man, obviously):

1) Pat vs. Nature (also a conveniently named blog of mine that I stopped updating a few years back, so I'm obviously way ahead of the curve here);

2) Pat vs. Pat (an AWESOME concept that would rock the foundation of storytelling--someone should totally write this up--and I know the PERFECT person to play both roles!);

3) Pat vs. The Environment (probably not as interesting a foundation for a story, but certainly a potentially lucrative reality program option. Maybe it could be a mix of "Man vs. Wild" and "Living with Ed," where every week I have to invade some pristine wilderness with my camera crew and caterers and convince the wildlife to run in exercise wheels to generate enough electricity for me to make toast. I think this idea has legs);

4) Pat vs. Machines/Technology (perhaps I could get Bill Shatner to spearhead a sci-fi series based on this concept when he's had enough of writing about himself--yeah, like he'll ever get tired of that);

5) Pat vs. The Supernatural (I've never seen the show "Supernatural," so I'm not sure if I'd be opposed to it or not, and I'm not sure how this story form has existed for so long when that show has been on for less than a decade);

6) Pat vs. Pat (uh oh, the first one was Man vs. Man and this one is Man vs. Self, but both of them, in this example, would be written as Pat vs. Pat, so CLEARLY this is the most EXPLOSIVE storytelling option as it would kill two "basic stories" with one Pat! Or two Pat's, I guess, whatever. Oh, wait, I guess the first one should have been Pat vs. Evil Pat--where Evil Pat is clean shaven since I have this chin beard thing I'm rocking right now, which is too close to a goatie for it to be clear who is evil and who isn't. Then the second one could be Pat vs. Pat. But I still think both of these could be worked into one storyline, which would be FOUR TIMES THE PAT. Just, wow);

7) Pat vs. God/Religion (Probably my autobiography, as that's sort of how my life has been shaping up anyway).

Guess what? That last section, while possibly mildly entertaining, served almost no purpose whatsoever. It is relevant ONLY as an example for what I am proposing and and in no way will it enrich what I am about to say. I just wasted a few more minutes of your time! Snap!

Are you ready? You're lucky I didn't charge you for the whole seat you are sitting in, because you clearly only need the edge!

Obviously I didn't charge you anything for the seat you are sitting in. It's your seat, or your employer's, or a friend's, or the library's, or you're sitting under an overpass or something. So I guess you're doubly lucky that I'm also not taking your money, because you'd feel VERY ripped off once you finished reading this. Nothing can live up to this kind of build up. Alan Thicke, Bill Shatner, Pat Albers and Pat Albers in "The Parent Trap" (clearly I didn't make this reference earlier, but I SHOULD have)? That's a lot to tack onto this supposed brainstorm I had, especially considering it's been a half an hour since I had the thought and I surely don't remember that much about it.

What's more, it's late at night and I spent the entire day out at my parents' celebrating Easter (it's Easter Eve now)--which is where the video that's following was taken. And now I'm just too tired to even keep thinking about it anymore. So I'm going to wait until tomorrow or Monday when I can sit down again to finish this. Pretty lame, eh? What are the odds that I'll even remember having this supposedly world rocking revelation, much less be able to pin it down on here? Let's see . . . .

. . . .

Well, here it is, the middle of the afternoon on Easter Sunday. In a stroke of luck, this is the second major holiday that we've been able to stay at home and relax. However, since Uncle James isn't here as he was for Christmas, I am not just waking up from a nap with a middle-of-the-day hangover (and then getting rid of it by getting drunk a second time). Sad, that.

And well I should lead in with Uncle James because it is the personality traits that he shares with Gabe that was the entire point of this blog. I'll get to the specifics in a moment.

There is a very good reason that I try to get all the way through a post as quickly as possible. I almost never save drafts of these things and come back to finish them later. Because I know that, if I did, I would be forced to read what I wrote earlier and actually think things through a little bit. Which I have done with the stuff I wrote last night.

That's not to say that, if I could go back in time, I'd dive at last-night-Pat while he typed, all slow motion "Nooooooooooo!" to prevent him from creating the first half of this post. I think it does a pretty good job of both establishing the main thrust of my post while still managing to be a complete waste of time. Win, win. However, I don't have such a good feeling about the whole "shared consciousness" thing that I felt so strongly would change the world.

Here's the thing. Yesterday, Gabe discovered a Big Wheel that he could ride. We have a "Big Wheel." It's not a REAL Big Wheel, but some knock off with Hot Wheels logos all over it. And Gabe rides it. He likes the thing. But he has been unable to make the pedals work. Something about the way its set up makes it very difficult for him to pedal and make move. If he IS able to move the pedals, the wheel tends to spin instead of making the thing go forward. Before yesterday, I just assumed that was a problem with ALL Big Wheels--most of the weight (and, thus, traction) is on the back wheels, so it's understandable that the front wheel would have a rough go of propelling the whole affair.

But it turns out it is just a design flaw in the knock off Big Wheel. Yesterday, Gabe got to spend some time on an honest to god Big Wheel that my dad found in their attic--left their by the previous owners. The little three-wheeler was missing one of the handles, but it STILL handled better than the one Gabe owns. He was tearing all over the yard in it, despite the fact that he had to awkwardly hold the left hand side steady without the benefit of a handle.

And while he was riding it, Libby remarked on how much Gabe looked like her brother James. Apparently, the Big Wheel was one of James' favorite things when they were growing up.

We got a little video of him on it.

The hill was Dad's idea. A few weeks ago, they closed this section of Highway 54 off. A spiffy new four lane bypasses traffic around Cunningham now. So this road is pretty much deserted now. Now. Riding trikes and stuff down this hill was not a new thing for Gabe, though. Apparently Dad has been bringing him up the hill for some time now. Right next to what used to be considerable traffic. Ben and I also discussed the fact that Tanner (our nephew, the older boy riding the trike in the video) is seven. When I was seven, I was driving tractors unsupervised. There is NO way that we would trust Tanner to do the same. Putting that little tidbit next to the safety concerns of hills/children/traffic, we're a little surprised that we survived our childhoods. Or, conversely, we are over-protective of our children now. Certainly a topic for debate.

So, my whole point with where I was going earlier was that there exists Seven Basic Personality Types, and people in possession of these different personality types actually share some form of bond or genetic memory or something that compels them to do and like the same things. And I was going to hypothesize that Gabe and James share a common personality type.

But now we get into the trickier part because I didn't come up with the seven different types last night. I came up with the first one: 1) Adventurous. Clearly that one links James and Gabe quite nicely. It was immediately relevant and, honestly, if I hadn't come up with that one I wouldn't have had the concept for this blog post. But then I sort of failed to follow through on the rest of it.

Let's see. 1) Adventurous; 2) Stoic; 3) Passive-Aggressive; 4) Caustic; 5) Gassy; 6) Turtle-necked; 7) Andy's. Face it, there's just something about Andy's. It's hard to put a finger on, but something about them just doesn't jibe. I think that does a pretty good job of covering all of it. Or at least the stuff that popped into my head immediately.

There. You're welcome, psychiatric community! I just solved all your problems. Or something. Whatever.

Oh wait, that attitude reminds me. Personality 8) Pat.

There, now you're welcome.