The Fourteen Year Itch

Fourteen years ago today, at this very time (9:30 a.m.) I was already starting to get drunk for the first time. Mid-afternoon, I would get married to my first wife (who is determined to be my last wife by driving me to an early grave), and then I would get drunk a second time that night.

I would not get drunk twice in one day again until last Saturday (Christmas Day), when Uncle James and I spent much of the sacred day bombed off our asses. Around 3:00, I laid down for an hour long nap and woke up with a hangover--the first time I've ever had one in the middle of the afternoon. But I soon drank it away and everything was better. It was a truly blessed day (and I will put up a big long Christmas post filled with several days of pictures and videos at some point in the next few days--whenever I get more than a few minutes to sit at the computer).

But back to my 14th anniversary today.

As I'm sure everyone already knows, the 14th anniversary is the "ivory anniversary." To celebrate, I have a special treat in store for Libby when she gets home from work tonight. It's taken a little doing, but I've managed to set up a two-shall-enter-one-shall-leave style Mad Max Thunderdome in our backyard. Only, this time, three shall enter and I shall leave as I use a walrus as a club and beat an elephant to death with it. Then I will take all of their tusks and build Libby a series of fourteen stylishly scrimshawed bird cages that she can hang around our yard (probably in the non-Thunderdomed parts). Then, every time a songbird takes a shit in one of these birdhouses, Libby can think of me. Very poetic and appropriate, I think.

And that, I think, does a pretty good job of summing up how great the last fourteen years have been. Thanks, Libby! You're a peach and WELL worth the effort of beating an elephant to death with a walrus!