My Baby Is More Advanced Than Your Baby

I am fully aware that this is a subject that I touched on in an earlier blog post. EVERY parent is convinced that their child is some sort of genius. Every milestone that is reached a little ahead of when its expected is a sure sign that the child will be the president or Jesus or a rocket surgeon or something. I must say that I'm a little guilty of doing the same--though, I'm pretty sure it's different because I, unlike most other people, am almost always right. Just sayin'.

Anyway, MY baby is better than YOUR baby because my baby just started to cut her first tooth yesterday--at only 3 1/2 months old! Yes, yes, I know. It's not THAT unusual, but that combined with her other advancements almost certainly signifies that she's something special. Quite probably, she'll be walking by seven months, talking before she's a year, and composing her first symphony by two and a half. From there, the sky's the limit. Actually, no, she'll probably be the first ten year old to land on the surface of the sun. At least that is where the evidence is clearly pointing right now.

In probably unrelated news, Button has been a bit of a mess today. She's fussy and isn't happy doing all of the things that she usually spends her blissful days doing--lying on the floor, half-lying in her bouncy chair, lying in her bed, those sorts of varied and entertaining things. She's hardly slept at all today, so she's really tired and quite put out by just about everything around her. Since she's female, I can only assume it must be "woman problems." I can't think of any other reasonable explanation.

I really wanted to take a picture of the tooth to share with everyone, but, for some reason, she wasn't all that receptive to the idea. Something about me sticking a finger in her mouth to hold her bottom lip out of the way while covering her eyes so a close-up flash didn't burn out her retinas just didn't sit quite right with her. Babies are so fickle sometimes.

Anyway, please forward you congratulations in the form of generous donations to my paypal account. A portion of all proceeds will be put towards supplying her with some new teething toys (the rest will go into my charitable foundation A Pat on Your Ass--I haven't quite worked out the details of what or how, exactly, my foundation will be charitying, but those details can be hashed out at a later date, probably it has to have something to do with asses, though).