Tragic Backdoor Invasion

Yesterday (Saturday) was Finn’s second birthday party. Obviously, there is much that I would like to say on the nature and even necessity of birthday parties for small children, but I think I’m going to save it all up until Gabe’s birthday party on the 1st of June. It’s going to be at Chuck E. Cheese (because we received a gift card and had to use it sometime, not because we actually WANT to go there)! I’m so excited I could commit ritual suicide. Finn’s party was a comparatively low-key, at-home affair, but it was still the kind of chaotic, scream-filled test of patience that people SHOULD try to avoid if maintaining healthy stress levels is at all important to them. But I’m getting into a rant that I would rather save for Gabe’s birthday. If you'd like to see a few videos from the day, though, check out our youtube account.

This was just the dinner course. In case you can't tell what he's eating, it's a yummy blend of hotdogs with ketchup, potato chips, baked beans, and peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He's opened the PB&J because he prefers to lick out the insides and leave the uneaten bread on his tray. Thus, when I finished all of this food (yes, I'm THAT dad, the one who finishes up the food so it doesn't go to waste), it ALL tasted like ketchup and jelly. Yummy. Also, the mood he's in here is pretty typical of how he was like throughout the afternoon--holding a fork up in defiance and giving us a nasty glare.

Tragic Backdoor Invasion

The second part of the superhero story follows our two other heroes, Molly Moose and Johnny Bee.

This story's villains are Yargh and Calypso.

En route to evilness.

How, exactly, they got the call that this little fiasco was taking place is anyone’s guess. Presumably, the victim—a fish puppet with a conveniently accessible backside, we’ll call him John Q. Public—had the wherewithal early in the procedure to use his cell phone to call 911. Dispatchers then must have called the Super Acquaintance hotline and let them know that something decidedly evil was going on.

But here’s the lowdown. Yargh (who is one of our only toys with hands small enough to, er, “control” Calypso the Hedgehog. He’s also an evil monkey, so I figured he could be a freelance ne’er-do-well whenever the Legion needs someone to facilitate Calypso’s undercarriage spelunking if necessary. His only super power is the ability to put Calypso on his hand for insertion purposes, but I guess that’s enough) is carefully inserting Calypso into his new temporary home.

That's gotta hurt!

As was established last time, the super jerks are just out to cause a little general mayhem and chaos, so there wasn’t any important reason for them targeting John Public. In fact, John was only targeted at all because he had cut the Cranky Cracker off in traffic the day before (that and because he’s not a white bear, obviously). Poor guy.

So, Yargh and Calypso snuck into John’s house early in the morning. They mildly sedated him—just enough to knock him out, but he remained conscious enough to know what was happening to him—the cruelest aspect of all. And then the hedgehogging began!

Johnny Bee and Molly Moose tried their best to fly in to save the day before irreparable damage was done to John’s G.I tract, but, sadly, they were too late.

A fight ensued, of course, but Yargh used every dastardly monkey trick up his sleeves (he threw pooh) and, while Molly and Johnny Bee were retching and puking uncontrollably, Yargh slipped off into the deserted early morning streets. Calypso was left inside John Public, and you’d think that Molly and Johnny Bee would have taken him to the hospital to receive urgent care, but he wasn’t. They ended up slinking off into the night, ashamed at their failure and hoping that nobody saw them enter the premises so the story of their complete ineptitude doesn’t get around to the general public. After all, who will trust a superhero who can’t even prevent a small, mostly inanimate hedgehog from being shoved up their figurative, collective rectum (or, more importantly, their literal, be-sphinctered rectums)? I know I wouldn’t.

As for John Public’s fate? Who knows. Last I saw him, he was still lying on that table with a hedgehog up his butt. Who knows how long that is going to last.

Poor John Q. Public, stuffed with other people.

I can't say for SURE, but I think, as I'm trying to convince him to pick up the bee and act out his part in this, Gabe says "Meh!" before finally saying "No!" I've not tried to teach him "Meh," yet, so if that's what he's saying, I'm pretty impressed. Along that same line, though, I DID get him to say "BRAAAAAIIIINS!" yesterday, so hopefully I'll be able to convince him to perform that again in front of the camera--mostly for his uncle Jamie's amusement.